"Q"

Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like to still be with her

To be 100% in love and devoted to her and our relationship like the fantasy I had

I wonder sometimes what she’s doing different since I’m no longer in her life..

What her mother must think of me or rather what excuse she made to explain me.

 I wonder if she lost the weight and if she’s eating or sleeping

I wonder if she’s stopped thinking about me and what she thinks of me now

God knows I warned her, warned her over and over again but…she wanted it.

Everytime I stopped the flow, everytime I even hinted that something was off

She guilt my ass into changing my mind, into changing my direction…damn.

She read me so well but not well enough for a psych masters

No one can truly say they know me…damn, I don’t know myself

I tend to not give a fuck about anything or anyone

i blank it all out so it’s nothing personal, it’s just how I deal

I’ve been a loner from birth, from the jump, from the womb.

Looking back now after years of praying for my parents to reconcile she really did the best thing.

Leaving that bastard behind and moving forward not looking back was the best thing for us.

I only wish I stayed home for my schooling.

Home…I dunno where that is anymore

I used to think it was Palo Verde, the five bedroom blue & white mansion

Or is it Trinidad, diego martin to be exact…where I’ve stayed for 20 years.

I don’t know anymore…I never did.

I used to switch it up to fit in you know? Different personality traits to fit the mould and I was good at it. I was friends with everyone, not assigned to a particular clique’

Felt good to be the “hey girl!” walking through the school…that was ages ago.

But to this day I’m still a loner, not assigned to a particular clique’

....Story of my life.